its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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