Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
