Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize