I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
