i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
