Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
