Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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