yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
