The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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