dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
