I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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