You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
