the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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