Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
