New low: just hacked my moms facebook
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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