So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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