why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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