Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
