just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
