what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
