an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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