It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize