omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
