How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
