you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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