apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
