This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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