i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
