I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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