Define "chronic" masturbator.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
