she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
