i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
