dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize