Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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