I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
