I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
