I'm lost and stupid without you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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