I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
where am i from again
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
