Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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