Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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