my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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