I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
