If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
