I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
