So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
