Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
