I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
