Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
