I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
