I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
