I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
