After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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