is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
