I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
