Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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