Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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