What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize