it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
