We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize