if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize