totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
