So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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