I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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