Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hippo gnu deer
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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