So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
