the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
