A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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