I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
