i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize